From Performance to Presence

Sharon is a senior leader, at the one of the world’s leading pharmaceutical companies. She is stationed in Switzerland and a native of another European country.

She was hugely disappointed in her last Performance Evaluation. She is an accomplished professional; known for excellence. During the year, she received many compliments from her boss, Lydia; yet, during the annual performance review Lydia stated that Sharon had fallen short in many aspects of the job.

Sharon came to coaching to get ready for her next quarterly review and to look for a new role within the organization.

In the first session, Sharon vented about her boss, the low performance rating and that she was actively looking for a new role.

When she stopped for a breath I asked, “What in the feedback do you find useful?”
This question made her pause and stated that she didn’t think anything was useful.

We both laughed and I asked if she would be willing to share the feedback, and answer two questions:  

1. Is there any truth in the statement?
2. What is the suggestion that the statement holds?

She reluctantly cited two examples where her leader’s comments may be true.

She committed to continue looking at Lydia’s comments for truth and a way forward. I asked, “Who else can give you feedback?”

She identified a trusted colleague who could give her feedback and so provide additional insight into Lydia’s feedback.

Over our next two sessions, Sharon and I worked through her performance feedback and correlated this to the feedback form her trusted colleagues. Since some of Lydia’s comments were reflected in her colleague’s feedback, Sharon slowly accepted that Lydia’s feedback held clues for her overall improvement. She then created a list of action items.

Over those conversations Sharon realized that her reaction to the performance evaluation was a symptom of a bigger issue; she and her boss had a contentious relationship.

She described her boss, Lydia, as a bully and a narcissist. She also shared instances during which Lydia was verbally abusive to her in front of peers, in front of her team, and during their one-on-ones.

After much probing Sharon admitted that she had deep shame over the way that her boss treated her. We examined the effects of this shame and how it impacted her relationship with Lydia and more importantly Sharon’s relationship with herself.

I explained to Sharon that her boss was not my client and that we could only examine the relationship with her boss through looking at Sharon’s reactions and actions.

We started looking at the relationship.

Sharon and her boss were different nationalities and had totally different ways of being. Their different cultural backgrounds meant that they sometimes saw and reacted to events differently.

Sharon’s culture was expressive, and she was generally enthusiastic while Lydia was  more reserved. Sharon felt that Lydia looked down on her  laughter, joyous reactions and her easygoing attitudes with her team and her peers.

Their communication styles were also different. Sharon was direct and Lydia indirect. This led to a pattern of Sharon ignoring Lydia’s subtle hints, then Lydia would escalate her behavior to ensure that she (Lydia) was heard by Sharon.

Sharon said that since working with Lydia, she felt that she was losing the essence of who she was. She was no longer as spontaneous and left her joy for weekends or for holidays. She expressed that she was frustrated and felt “boxed in” by Lydia’s reserve and judgement.  

I asked her if she ever spoke to her boss about the way that she felt and the impact of her boss’ behavior on her. She said that she tried to many times, but her boss usually ignored her as being dramatic and quickly changed the conversation to something else.  These attempts left her feeling even more annoyed and frustrated. She didn’t want to escalate complaints about her boss’ behavior to HR because this might jeopardize her future relationship with her boss, and other senior leaders. Complaining was not the norm at her organization and more so for people at her level.

We role played having the conversation with Lydia and working through her feelings and her reactions.

Sharon practiced a script, then had the conversation with her boss about the way that she felt and the way that she would prefer to work with her in the future.

After the conversation, Sharon was no longer interested in Lydia’s reactions and behavior. She didn’t care if Lydia listened or didn’t. She was over it.  She also admitted that she was no longer changing roles, she loved her job and now she had a way forward with Lydia she was happy to stay.

Speaking up for herself, understanding that she and Lydia were culturally different, accepting that she didn’t always listen to Lydia and recognizing the Lydia gave valuable feedback brought her closure.

She wanted to spend the rest of our time focusing on her leadership. This was what she was in control of and responsible for.

We began exploring her personal brand and determining her core values that she wanted to express in her leadership.

Sharon decided to reclaim parts of her personality that she dimmed while working with Lydia. She infused these parts of herself into her personal brand and decided what her leadership will look like. I led her through visioning and other exercises which focused on how she wanted to feel as a leader and what she wanted to be known both by her peers and her team.

Beyond this we plotted how she could express her leadership, both within the organization and external to it. She determined to put her efforts within the organization.  We began to plot how she could express her leadership. She decided to lead the Women’s Leadership Committee within the organization. She decided that this was one place that she could showcase her personal brand and take her newfound leadership style for a text run. We worked on a plan that she would execute over 6 months.

Coaching Takeaways:

• Sometimes the presenting one issue is a symptom.
• Where the client starts in not where the client ends.
• My role as coach is to listen, probe and support the safety for the client to explore.